Since September last year, Sami has been pretty much constantly struggling with coughing, lots of mucus, and snotty nose. We have not been able to do much about it, as over here doctors won't do anything on that unless she has got an infection, which she did and got antibiotics for that. Her first Christmas was spent with fever, cough and sleepless nights. The pediatrician may refer her to see an ENT doctor, to see if they want to put tubes into her ears. Certainly, we hate to having to get her operated, but if it helps, I would prefer going through that so that she can spend more time on having fun as a baby. Luckily, even during tough times like this, Sami does give us her smile which is very rewarding to us all.
I do envy those people with kids that aren't as often sick as Sami, feeding not as complicated as Sami's, so that we could go out more often and enjoy. I hate feeding her out there, or should I say I hate feeding times. I hope one day this will all be behind us, so that we can really enjoy as a family together.
I know having kids puts a lot of pressure on a relationship, and definitely when my husband has got a stepson from me, and a daughter of ours with reflux, it even gets harder. I'm grateful that my hubby is always there for me, and even if we have arguments, we always make up and love each other even more.
Sometimes I do ask myself what I've started with, after having more freedom with my son being 9 now, I am back to the diapers and feeding stuff. I again am drinking cold coffee that isn't meant to be iced coffee, opening my mouth unintentionally when trying to get my daughter open hers to eat her food, shopping for stuff for the baby when having free time instead of shopping for myself, taking my shower in turbo speed or enjoying the freedom I've under the shower, or not feeling sexy at all and staying in on a Sunday being fine. All these are coming back to me after 9 years. I noticed how much I've aged, as sleepless nights are showing their doing more than how that used to be 9 years ago.
Now, almost 10 months down the road, I'm still having sleepless nights, though recently less often as it used to be as we found out by coincidence on New Year's Eve, that by putting the white noise a bit louder, Sami seems to be sleeping deeper and occasionally can sleep through the night. I try not to compare Sami with other kids, though at times I worry why she isn't sitting properly without support, or not crawling yet. It's funny though, as it seems like Sami has read Mommy's mind, so she started showing me she can sit a bit longer without support, and she has started lifting her butt up in the air as if she is about to launch the crawling mode.
Sami has definitely changed a few things which I thought I would never do, simply because Julian was pretty standard baby when it comes down to eating and sleeping. I could give any food to Julian as a baby, and I could spoon feed him without any problems.
Sami however has given me more challenges. For instance, spoon feeding her at the age of 16 weeks old, not being to give her just any food as some food has too much acid and makes reflux worse, or baby led weaning. Baby led weaning sounded so unfamiliar to me, and my first reaction when I heard about it was "what a mess!!!!". I am not the cleanest mom, but I hate the mess. Now I've learned not to be bothered too much, as some babies would even think being wiped clean by a cloth during a meal as a punishment. Sami seems to enjoy eating food herself. We tried first giving her rice, then spaghetti which she loves, followed by sweet potatoes, potatoes, cauliflower, broccoli (which she doesn't like it that much yet), macaroni, avocados, etc. We still spoon feed her the baby food (either from a jar or home-made) in between, to make sure she gets enough. And her all time favorite is those small cookies. It's funny to see how she reacts when she hears the sound of the package itself only.
Sami has definitely taught me a few things and got me more open towards new approaches. Though I know I may never have parenthood all figured out even when you turn 18, I know there will be one day that I will find a way to wrap that love around me, instead of being buried in it. And one day, I will be having all teary eyes, being very proud of how vivacious, smart and unbelievably happy girl you become. I will find ways to balance the goodness with the heaviness.
