Time does go by faster with Sami growing a bit older, even though she is still not yet fully off the reflux medication that she is taking since 6 weeks old, Nexium. She is a fighter, someone with a strong character! And sometimes that explains why she complained so much when she was in so much pain with the reflux and infections bothering her. On the other hand, that's how she has managed to keep smiling whenever she gets to. Showing us how proud she is of her own achievement. She takes her time to show her milestones, but when she does, she lets us know she is ready for it. This is also why I am so proud of her!
Recently, I made a post on my Facebook telling others how grateful I am being a mom for Julian, and Sami, that I have learned to be more conscious about gentle peaceful parenting. It's a great learning process for and funnily enough, I am happy to be in it, though sometimes I struggle.
Then a mom who has a reflux child has asked me if that is because she is doing better, and that's why I feel better.
Maybe that I've more sleep, so more patience.
Actually that's not really the reason. Sami is still small to her age, size wise. We struggle with feeding at times, and her food aversion from reflux poor days gets complicated when toddler hits her (or us!). She tells us clearly what she won't allow to be presented in front of her as being food. We have followed diary free diet for over 6 months now. We don't know if it really has helped, and she is getting smarter to know we are trying to give her non-diary substitute, such as rice milk, so she has started to refuse those too. From the latest report from the diet specialist, she scores low on certain vitamins, calcium and iron. When telling some people, they would suggest to force her eating them, or they just make comments about my not having tried hard enough. Sometimes the amount of food I make can actually feed a few families, and the amount of food that ends up on the floor is so much that Sami should donate to the 3rd world countries.
And about sleep.... I still get up often at night for her. Sometimes I don't get up, but her crying does wake me up. At times I am too tired to get out. At times looking at the web-cam from my smart phone (thanks to the technology available these days!!!), I know she may be just crying over a dream. I am finding it harder to get out of bed in the morning simply because my body is just too tired and worn out after a long period of missing my bed.
So where do I get patience from? Well, no where... it's something I have to learn and earn. It's something that I must recharge myself. I have realized that I've waited long enough not to do anything about it but to complain over it. So after having spoken with a few inspiring people, I realized that there are other ways to handle this.
They have inspired me how I could look at things differently.
They have encouraged me to seek for help and support.
They have lent me a listening ear.
Surely, all these smiles I get back give me courage to keep moving in our busy hectic daily lives.
Recent visit at the pediatrician had brought us worries, as she was wondering if she had immunodeficiency. So poor girl, I had to have Sami's legs tightly held between my legs, her right arm under my armpit, and both hands holding her left arm. There were two nurses helping to hold her down and get blood out of her. Because of her small blood veins, we had to wait long for each drop of blood to fill up that tube for an extensive blood test. I felt so sorry for her, but I held my tears back, kept on talking to her to let her know that soon it would be over.
Luckily, the results came back alright, but the question remains why she is as often sick as she is. No idea. The pediatrician still wants to go ahead with giving her 6 weeks of antibiotics to see how her body would react to it. I just have strong doubts on it, so eventually we decided not to go ahead with this.
I am writing this not to ask for people's attention on us, but hope to help you inspiring others on how hard sometimes it is for families having an attention demanding child. Give these families some support, even if that is as little as just a hello. Don't be judgmental on their choices, because they are making their choices the best way they can.
And for those families who are still in this game, fighting for good health for your little ones. You have no idea how great your hearts are, and I hope soon one day you all can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't underestimate how much love you have in your hearts!
I still want to thank those who have been giving me support in this, even if they are just small messages left on Facebook in encouraging us. Thank you!
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