I really hope somehow I will be able to help other parents in the future on raising awareness in the society on baby reflux issues. Yes, reflux won't kill a child! Yet, it kind of kills the bonding time between the mom and the child, as feeding should be the time that is most wonderful thing a mother can do with the baby in the first months of the baby's life. Instead, often we are battling in trying to feed our babies, since we can't afford the idea of our babies starving. No matter how much patience one has, eventually when struggling with lack of sleep and feeding issues along with the crying, you will lose it at a certain point.
I have found myself going from losing it all to losing it for a few seconds, and then calming myself down by talking to my little baby. It's tough really, as when a little creature is arching herself, or getting real mad, you really almost want to fight back but you know you can't. I think most of the parents who have dealt with reflux will fully understand what I mean by this.
I have had evil crazy thoughts which I am ashamed of and feel guilty about, but sometimes I wish I could run away, or not have Sami at all at a certain point. Well, please don't get me wrong, I love her loads and I would like to protect her with my life. Just that life with a reflux baby can be like a roller coaster without an end to it. Basically I got myself up there on the roller coaster, and I need to just wait till it comes to a stop. Again, most moms who have dealt with reflux will probably nod their heads if they are reading this.
Everyday I get up and tell myself it's a new day, a day closer to her silent reflux leaving us and that there is hope. I'd a melt down moment yesterday morning when trying to feed Sami, and her refusing the bottle after 50 cc. I'd a hard time to let go and let it be. We have this log book, putting down how much she drinks, and sometimes the quantity of milk she has drank feels almost like a score from school. When my hubby went telling me it wasn't Sami's fault, I just lost it and broke into tears. Of course I know it is not her fault! It's no one's fault, and that's the tough part. As parents, you know something is bothering her, but you can't do anything to help fixing it. And when being tired to your bones, you have less capacity to cope with tough times, especially at night or early morning.
Today I'll be picking up the new formula which the pediatrician has prescribed, so we hope that will also help her, which then can help us. People say between 4-6 months with teething starting, this can cause reflux to flare up even more. So that probably explains the frequent night wakings. I am starting to find myself being "used" to being called out of bed these days. Just that at times, as I'm so tired and stressed, I end up not being able to fall asleep even if Sami is asleep. Isn't it crazy? I think only people who have been through this know what it means by being too tired to sleep. My hubby can't understand it and tell me to learn going back to sleep. When he said that, I really felt no one could understand me which was probably why I'd that melt down moment.
So my advice to people who have friends or families dealing with hardship, please try to have some sympathy on their feelings. Don't deny their feelings, allow them to express their feelings, acknowledge them instead of judging them, and try to come up with ways that you can help them with, instead of making suggestions on what they should do. And if you don't know what you can do to help them, ask them what you can do to help them instead of staying silent. Also hugging them would really help them to go through this stormy period. Just be there for them. Use today's technology to show them you care, even it's just a few whatsapp messages or facebook posts. If possible, even go by just to say hello, have a cup of tea, or just chat with them. You've no idea how much you can already brighten someone's dark moments.
I'm thankful that I've some friends who have been doing some of these. I don't have that many friends who would come by to chat or to take over some workload from me, but when I do, I'm so grateful. I'm thankful that I've a nanny who has dealt with reflux from her own kids, so she knows how to handle Sami. She won't mind taking her even if it means she needs to get up at night for her. Even though she doesn't live close by, but at least once or twice in a month to have her helping us out already means a lot to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment