My last blog ended positively when sharing my joy of celebrating my son's 10th birthday. Just that life is with ups and downs. The following day, he was vomiting and sitting on the toilet from a stomach flu. He was saying how hard a lesson he has learned, not to pick food off the floor and eat it, not eating so many candies in one-go, not wearing only one layer of t-shirt in the cooler days, etc. Anyway, I don't think he had been that sick for as long as he could remember (of course, he had been there before, just that he doesn't remember it anymore.) He did shape up after a day and life went on as usual. He went to school on Friday, and on Saturday he went for his football match. On Sunday, he got another bag of candies from his Chinese teacher who doesn't seem to understand that I dislike bribing children to learn by candies or junk food, so there we went with the so-called lessons he learned. He was sick again.
Meanwhile, at the daycare where Sami's goes to, stomach flu is going on too. Sure enough, it didn't take long for her to join the club. I have not seen so much mess in my life within a short-time frame. Loads of laundry and lots of toilet and puke bucket cleaning, in the hope to stop bacteria/ virus spreading any further in the household.
Because of the stomach flu, we have slowed down the reflux medicine weaning. Unfortunately, after having been to 3 hospitals for Sami, we just don't have answers on Sami's frequent cough, snot, poor eating, and all. At times, I end up being the doctor, as doctors have asked me what I wanted instead.
It's awfully frustrating to someone like me who is crazily solution-orientated when there is just no solution! At work, when I am confronted by challenges, I often manage to find ways to handle it, to solve it, and feel satisfied by that. Now with a child who is often sick, and who is a toddler with a strong sense of what she wants and doesn't want, I am in need of an infuse-load of patience.
My hubby then reminded me when I said I hope she will feel better soon, that it is just the beginning. I felt so depressed when hearing that, while his point is to tell me "get used to it, that's life about having kids."
Am I not ready for kids? Sometimes it sure feels like so, because of the amount of failure I feel having as being a mother. I love my children and I won't trade them in for anything else.
At the same time, undoubtedly, I miss my pre-mother life too. I wish I realized back then that I actually had loads of free "ME" time. What did I do with that?!
After my second-round pregnancy, my body betrayed me. I have gained weight. That hurts my self-esteem. I do want to look good and feel sexy again. Luckily, there are people out there who are willing to tell the world that it's OK to show your motherly figure. It is what comes along being a mother, having a baby inside you for 9 months each time, and for those who have breastfed, realizing that your breasts can actually do so much!
My tiredness took over my sex life. Sleep is more important than sex to me now. When we do have sex, it's often a quick one. My less-sexy body makes me at times uncertain about my atrractiveness even though I know my hubby understands and does not complain. I know good marriage needs often good sex in the formula. It's an investment in our relationship.
I remember seeing someone posting on a mother support Facebook group, wondering why there is so much negativity about motherhood. I ask myself the same thing. I guess it's a natural thing to do, thinking about the negativity more than the positivity.
So I ask myself then what about pleasant events? Are there any pleasant events that I can do to outbalance it? Something that I can really do, and not wish to do.
Jogging/ walking
Yes, I do that from time to time after lunch break at work. Or when I'm up for it, going for a run after kids have gone to bed.
Thinking, "I've done a full-day of work, and I've done my best."
It's the latter part of the sentence that is most important. It's like a pat on the shoulder, but to myself.
Having lunch with my colleagues
We laugh over silly things and talk about serious stuff.
Shopping
I was never crazy about shopping until I started my career, since I didn't have money to in the past. And my loving shopping tells me I'm just like any other ladies who enjoy that.
Helping others
Even my schedule is busy, and maybe I sometimes overdo it, I love the idea of being able to help others. Maybe it's because I know how life sometimes can be when you feel helpless and when someone comes around the corner, it's like bringing you warmth during an ice-cold winter. Last week, I brought some food over for a friend who is ill and has kids. Her smile was such a gift to me when she welcomed me to her house.
Blogging & Writing
Writing helps to structure my thinking, and put my life back in perspective again. Sometimes it does bring out some sad emotions back onto the surface, but maybe they are not meant to be hidden at all times.
Expressing my love to someone
When noticing my hubby being in a grumpy mood, I try to cheer him up by being silly, tickling him, and telling him I love him.
Reading inspiring articles and talking to inspiring people
Thanks to the world of Internet, I have access to a world of inspiring articles as well as getting to know a few inspiring people. They have brought me joy and encouragement in my life. They think of me, and send messages from time to time, which helps. They don't tell me what to do in life, but tell me that I am doing also a good job.
Reflecting on how I have improved
Thinking back how I did things and how I have improved helps. It's not easy to sit for a moment and tell myself that. Also, generally I am not the type glorifying myself, but I think sometimes it is good to look ourselves back in the mirror, and seeing how we have grown.
Getting a massage
This has not been something I have done for awhile. My hubby is the first who brought to my first massage, and I am very pleased that he did! Making the time for it is often the key, but it does relax myself so much that I sleep better at night.
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