11 months and 2 days... Impact of having a child with more attention needed in a family

Ok, apart from talking about how less sleep we are getting in the household with a baby having got reflux and being often sick, there is definitely a lot more to it.



Being on a few facebook support groups related to reflux babies, I come across a few hot topics or situations which we often run into and have trouble saying them out loud without offending anyone.

1. The cliche of men being asleep while women are the ones out at night trying to calm their babies down before the rest of the world is woken up by them. For some reason, some men are just well equipped to be knocked out once their heads hit the pillows. I feel in a way sorry for them, since it's like snoring, which is something you may not be able to control it yourself. Just that, it does put a lot of pressure on the women, as well as on the relationship/ marriage. With us, my hubby can often sleep through the crying of our little girl. I've had moments that I wish to kick him out of bed, but on the other hand, I am like, "well, I'm awake already, so why bother waking up another person in this household who does manage to sleep through it.". So often I find myself being up for countless times at night, and having a hard time going back to sleep.
2. With our little girl being more "tricky", it's hard to find a babysitter who is willing to take her, and whom we can trust for us to get away for a dinner out just the two of us. And I am not even talking about finding someone who is willing to do so with a reasonable price. Besides, my hubby also hates the idea of leaving our little girl with someone he doesn't know well enough. So what happens is then that we hardly get to be only husband and wife, without the name tags "mom and dad".
3. Sex, or the lack of it. It's hard to have the intimacy again without wondering if I'm hearing my little girl's cry. In the past, having a long sex session would be enjoyable and fun. Now either sleep is crying out loud for my attention, or I just want to make sure I can enjoy while I still can, so a quickie is more my cup of tea these days.
4. Managing a household. Having kids with full-time demanding jobs, plus trying to have a clean house isn't easy at all. And then you still want to have reasonably healthy meals on the table. How do you do that?
5. Giving the attention your other kids in the family they deserve, without snapping at them when stress hormones are high. My 1st child is now 9 years old, so luckily he understands well that his younger sister needs the attention because she is little and has been sick. Yet, his age does require attention too from me, just not the same kind of attention my daughter is needing from me. Also, the challenge I've is that my daughter's father is the stepfather of my son, and therefore, with just ordinary families, whereby often the father would spend time with the other kids while the mom takes care of the youngest, isn't really the case for us. It does give us all more pressure.

Ok, these all do sound negative, and do make you think when this will change. Well, I can only say to myself and others that it will come to an end one day. One day, our little ones are no longer refluxing, teething, having a cold or whatever illness they are bound to get, and are having so much fun with eating, sleeping, playing and all, we will be able to look back and be proud of what we have accomplished.

There will be plenty of good days, but also bad days. Life is full of bad days. In some ways, real happiness would not be possible without it. It helps us appreciate and savor the things that really matter. It helps us grow, and help us help others grow.We just have to try to manage our tough moments. Put things in perspective. We will always have some regrets and doubts in life. We may always second guess ourselves. If only we had said this, or tried that. I've learned I'm not alone in this. I managed to find someone who understand, and by reaching out those people for support, I've managed to survive.