I've been reading tons of articles and books about reflux, and I have also seen a list of things not to be said to families with reflux babies/ kids. What I haven't seen so far is a list of things that spouses, friends, families or whoever that are involved with people with reflux babies, can do to help. So maybe I will give that a start myself, in the hope of helping other families.
- Whatsapp, text/ message, call, or drop by to ask how they are doing. Reflux families are often isolated from their social network for a much longer period than those who have kids. It doesn't mean they don't need a social life, as in fact they miss it an awful lot.
- Offer help by just asking what you can do to help them.
- Bring food along as sometimes caring a reflux baby is so consuming that putting food on the table isn't something they end up being able to. If you've kids yourself, remember the days that you just had your babies, and how occupied you were in the beginning. That's what some of the reflux families are dealing with daily.
- Take their other kids out as families with reflux babies don't get to go out often, simply because it's hard to feed the reflux babies out there, let alone some that are constantly vomiting.
- Give them a hug as often as you can, since sometimes even though you can't help them to take the heaviest burden away, a hug helps to release the pressure.
- Help them with their household, such as cleaning if possible. With reflux babies that vomit often, the laundry pile can get real high.
- Offer your babysitting service if you can. Even if it's just for a couple hours, and certainly if you can even give the couple a night out or a full night of sleep, you have no idea how much they would appreciate it.
- Help them with groceries shopping, as again, getting out of the door is something some of these families struggle to do.
- Tell them that they are doing a great job, and they are doing their best already even though right now it may not seem enough to please their little ones. By reassuring them, they will have more courage to hang in there.
- When offering to take care of the reflux babies, ask them what they want you to do, and avoid giving excessive comments on how different you would otherwise do it.
- Get yourself reading some reflux articles, so that you understand what it is about.
- Read the list of things that you should not say to reflux families.
- Make them a cup of tea or coffee as often as you can if you drop by. Often these moms or dads are having iced coffee or tea unintentionally.
- Caregivers of reflux babies need to rant and throw their frustrations out. Don't judge them, even if they say they regret having the kids. Tell them it's normal to have those feelings, and reassure them that they are doing a great job. Remind them that soon this will be over, and that they will get to enjoy lives again.
- When offering advices, tell them maybe those advices don't work, and that it's ok if they don't want to hear them, because often these caregivers have been educating themselves so much that they end up knowing more than those theoretically educated professionals. Also, what works for one reflux baby may not work for the other.
- If you've the time, offer yourself to go along and join their appointments with the health care professionals. Even if it's just giving a hand to hold their babies, so that they can have a clear mind when talking to these professionals.
- Just because they're not vomiting everywhere doesn't mean that they don't have reflux. Parents of children with silent reflux will tell you that you can sometimes hear it and that each child has their own tell-tale signs of an attack.
- If the mom is a working mom, don't tell her to stop working assuming then the baby will be better. If the mom wants to stop working, support the idea, but don't ask her to stop if she doesn't want to or can. Sometimes having a job out there can keep the mom going, plus they may need the pay cheque as well.
- If the mom is a staying-home mom, it is also hard as staying-home moms have no official lunch breaks, or coffee breaks. So any of your help is very much welcome.
- Just because they are thriving, doesn't mean that they're well
- When holding / looking after a reflux baby, respect the requests of the parent with regards to things like what the child can or cannot be fed ((quantities, timings, trying new foods etc) don't try new foods without asking etc), how they should be fed, whether or not the child can be bounced on your knee, and whether or not it is safe or appropriate to lay the child down.
- Parents know their children better than anyone. Don't assume that because you've had children before them or are "older and wiser" that you know better than baby's mum or dad. Be kind and considerate with words and learn when to step back and let parents get on with it. It is just as important as learning when to pitch in.
- Keep an eye on mum. PND develops all to easily for mums of otherwise healthy children, never mind a mum whose child had additional needs. Learn the tell-tale signs but also pay attention to things like not eating or comfort eating as they too are signs that something isn't right.
- All weight gain is good but the wee one might still be falling through the centile lines on a growth chart. Getting the wee one weighed can be very stressful and acknowledging that can be more helpful than you'd imagine.
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