There are hard times definitely during all these weeks. Sami had drug free for about 1 and half week and she started drinking much better. Then after being put back on meds, she drank really poor again. So now we are on day 4 without meds, which I hope she will start drinking like she was a week or two ago. Today she got her 4 months vaccination, so maybe she would be more fussy than usual anyway. These days, we often are hit by restless nights. We don't know what the cause of those sleepless nights are, but we are hoping it will get better.
What I've learned over the last period of time is that it's ok to accept the emotions you've as a mother. Being a mom of a silent reflux baby, you don't get much support from the local health providers such as the consultation office as their knowledge in it is so little. And you have to be lucky to have the right pediatrician to treat your child properly without them first blaming on the mom being the overreacting freaking out mom instead. Often you get to hear from people that it's normal kids split up, or that kids don't drink their bottles from time to time, or seeing your baby not skinny and so you should not worry. Well, these people have no idea what we are going thru daily. It's not just about how we feel, but most importantly how Sami is feeling. With silent reflux, she doesn't toss anything out, but her stomach acid gets up which gives her pain and discomfort. Yes, the older she gets, the more likely she will grow over it, but there is no time line set when that will happen. If you look at some forums of what the baby reflux moms are dealing with, I've seen cases where it keeps going until they are 3. Then it feels almost as if we were being lied to for those timeline they initially guessed. So I really don't dare to think too much of when this will be over for us.
And yes, it's also difficult to receive proper support from people around you. Everyone is occupied with their own lives. If you get hear from a friend who offers the help and is actually standing in front of your doorstep ready to help, you are the luckiest person in this universe, since this doesn't really happen often. I don't blame anyone for this, as I may have not given such support to others as well before, as often this is done without consciously knowing. That's also why I've created a group on Facebook known as "Baby Reflux Moms in Holland", in the hope that we can have more awareness in this, plus giving moms some support in this by sharing experiences. I've picked up so many tricks that are handy or even important in handling reflux babies. I've recently shared this information with another young mom who is new to reflux, and she was overwhelmed by all these tricks.
So yes, parenthood is hard, especially when you've more to deal with than just standard baby issues such as teething and so. Ok, Sami isn't so sick that her life is threathened, and I'm grateful that's not the case. Just that it doesn't make it all that easy. And what is also very important to get through this period is having a partner who doesn't deny your feelings, doesn't judge you or tell you're wrong to have those feelings. You need a partner who then accepts your feelings, and does his/ her best to support you. Sometimes a hug helps, sometimes taking off some workload from your shoulders helps. I'm lucky to have my hubby who does do a lot of household chores, so that I can have time to rest or to come around.
At the same time, I also am reminding myself that every day is a new day, a new start, and who knows what that will bring us. I try to enjoy each smile our little girl gives us, and cherish each moment that I see her developing new skills. Yesterday after having got a tiny push from me, she went from her back to her belly. Then she was even trying to make crawling movements in order to grab her toy. She likes grabbing things now and is getting a hang of it. She likes swifting objects from her left hand to her right hand and back. And she not only has discovered by scatching different surfaces with her finger nails will create different sounds, she has also found her toe nails do that too! And when I feed her now with a spoon, she likes grabbing the spoon, and tries to put the food into her mouth. I let her play with a bit, though it's messy, but I think it's good for her to feel it.
I am thankful also that babies are forgiving, or at least that's how it feels. She seems to forgive/ forget the frustrated mommy, and will laugh when seeing me, or will let me hug her. I do enjoy the moments when holding the sleepy Sami, with her head resting on my shoulder. I know then those moments would only be temporary, as the older she gets, the more independent she will become.
Sami is definitely using up a lot of patience quota from me, a lot more than Julian at the time. And I'm learning each day, even with carrying my panda eyes around (black circles, especially eye bags), because I know soon she will be 5 months, then 6 months, then 9 months... then 1 years old... Now I'm counting by weeks, and soon will be months, and then will be years only. Look at Julian now, I don't check anymore how many weeks old he is, or how many months old he is.
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