More steps taken to a more harmonized family (to be continued)

Ever since I have became more open about this to a couple people who have been giving me a lot of inspirations and courage, I have been more conscious of what is going on within myself as well as my family.

Over the years, I have been told by some people I care and love that I am a selfish person. I often ask myself the question why they see me like that. I try to then feed them with what they ask from me so that they won't call me as such. I have always believed in putting a mirror in front of myself, and see what others see. And I do think in general, I like to keep pleasing everyone.

Now stepping out of myself, and looking at how I then function as a mother of two children, and wife of my husband. Maybe I am putting a lot of pressure on them by wanting a perfect family picture. Maybe I am trying to accomplish what I want to (over)-compensate what I have missed out in my childhood and adulthood.

 

After having talked to a friend who is a professional counsellor whom I'm very grateful for having met her, I start to realize that the scars that I have put bandages on over the years myself are not just visibly there, but also have impact on whom I am now. I didn't realize the need to heal those scar tissues is that important to me and to my family. I have always stayed strong, wiped my tears and moved on. I didn't want others to think I'm just feeling all sorry for myself or asking for unnecessary attention. This friend told me that ever since she has met me, she noticed that there are lots of underlying issues, like an onion that needs to be peeled. She wondered why I worried so much about my own parenting skills, when she thought I was doing good. She said it is normal that I don't want to make a big deal out of my own matters, but getting closure and not letting these situations take me back affecting my life today is just as important.


So after a few upcoming busy time, I will start to look for the right help to sort myself out. I know putting this out on Internet means coming forward, and people who know me may read this. It's not easy to admit my having weak spots, but I would like those who may be struggling at home in their own corners to do the same. And for spouse and partners, including my hubby, I would like to ask for your support in this. Without your support, we cannot make this. And when I say support, it is not just giving an extra kiss here and there, but it's about accepting who we are, and forgiving us when we snap just because things are becoming too much.