Welcome to adole-scent

Recently, we got a sniff of adole-scent... And just a sniff of this scent is already something that alarmed me, put me back to earth realizing not only every child at every stage of their lives has his/ her own challenges, but also that I have to spend time on Sami AND Julian, my son of 9 who is turning 10 soon.



He has been challenging almost every word that comes out of my mouth whether it's related to which pants to wear or when to go to bed. Initially we took it as that comes, and kind of live with it. I keep telling myself that at least he is intelligent enough to keep challenging us and coming up with ideas.

Then we had a full blown meltdown when he realized at the last minute that he left his football shoes at his father's who lives in China. We wanted to teach him a lesson that he needs to be careful and cherish his stuff, but probably that didn't go in well at the moment when he was blaming on everyone but himself for not having been able to find them initially.

Having such a meltdown when it was a warm day, and Sami being ready for her afternoon nap (aka very tired and getting moody) didn't help either! I'd never been so mad at him, nor had he been at me. He almost wanted to run away. Luckily this time his father in China did get involve, thanks to high-technology these days.

After this incident, I doubted my parenting skills. No matter how I was raised, I believe that even though discipline is important, it's more important to let the child understand well why we expect the child to behave like such, or why we set certain rules. I dislike being a dictator. I always want my children to develop well on their own, and have confidence in themselves.

Often, my hubby mentioned that I am spoiling my son, which I disagree when I look around and compare our family with many other families. We hardly buy toys for him, while in the past when his father and I were still together, we would buy one every month for him. And when I get around to, I try to spend time with him, whether it is going out with him for a movie, or having a lunch out with him.

If you have read the book "The Myth of the Spoiled Child" from Alfie Kohn, then you would say I shouldn't doubt myself. According to Alfie Kohn, the major threat to healthy child development is posed by parenting that is too controlling rather than too indulgent.

My son was born with a tempermant, And at times, we struggle dealing with that, simply because it feels like it's not something the society or ourselves can handle. I at times wish there was a manual or a cookbook telling me what to do. And when talking to some social worker, they tried to put name tags like PDD NOS on him, which I don't think is the answer either.

And believe me, I've also read books about positive parenting, by getting myself into his shoes, so that he feels being understood. Coming from a Chinese background, this is definitely difficult to do, and at stressful moments, I just fail so often that I feel very crappy about it.

My hubby comes from a very traditional Chinese family, which probably explains the parenting skills he masters. Plus it has not been easy on him for having to become a stepfather since Julian was 6 years old.

Others tell me that this is just a stage which can last for quite a few years, and this is just a start. Some wished me good luck as they have been there. If that's the case, will Julian turn out ok?

Now I realize even more how much I got my mom's blood boiling at the time together with my brother. With Sami and Julian having about 8 years age gap, does this mean over 8-9 years time this will start all over again just when Julian becomes more mature?! Gosh, morr henna to dye my hair and more other things will be needed to keep me being myself.



These days with so much stress going around the household, I have started adult coloring. Coloring used to be my hobby. As a matter of fact, I did win a college scholorship in the USA for an Art degree, but realistically bills need to be paid so I went to a business school instead and gave up that scholarship. I was not too pleased with having to do so at the time and blamed my dad for that.

Anyway, they say these days that coloring can help releasing stress. In general, it's more a fact that if you can put all your thoughts down, and do something else, whether it is yoga or something else, it is already a great way to release your stress. Being artistic will help more because you engage the left side of your brain.



Being a second time mom makes me realize more how important it is to keep part of myself alive instead of losing myself in parenthood. It is hard with a full-time hectic job, 2 kids, minimal help from family, frequent broken nights, and some medical issues. I want to do sports too, but it's just not something I can relaxingly put onto my agenda for now. Hopefully later...