Unconditional love in different cultures

With the world becoming smaller, we are more exposed to different cultures. I stepped out of my hometown, Hong Kong, when I was 16 years old. I went to America for an exchange program, and I'd learnt a lot during that year. Not only English though some people criticized my American accent afterwards, I gained confidence. I was put in a warm family where they had shown me unconditional love existed.



Coming from a Chinese background, if you were to ask me during my childhood how to show my parents my love and respect towards them, I would tell you by being a good, hardworking, obedient and hopefully high scores student at school. The focus on going to a good school and achieving high academic results is very high.

And for many Asian adults, to show their love and respect towards their own parents is by giving money. There is even a Chinese phrase literally saying, "raising your own children to avoid getting old", which implies the reason to have your own children is to have someone being on your side when you get old, both financially and physically. This has been passing from generations to generations.

I'm not criticizing how my parents had raised me, because I believe they were doing the best way they could according to them. I however have now the choice to do it somewhat differently, by telling my children no matter what I still love them. Certainly I want them to be decent people, and doing well in the future to be able to live happily and independently, I hope I can still let them take their own course. I hope when I am old, they come home and visit me because they want to. I hope to be financially independent enough so that they won't feel obliged.

The Asian culture has taught me to be humble and I would like to show my children that. Just that the Asian culture has got me awfully uncertain about myself for many years during my childhood and even up till today. Asians don't like to let anyone see their dirty laundry, such as divorce or any issues at home. They want to show the perfect family picture to others. Many couples stay together even knowing their marriage has died because of one being unfaithful, and one of the reaons is not being able to face the family or others. Asians also classify women weighing over 45 kgs/ 100 pounds as being fat. Terms like pork chop and elephant legs are being used, not just by the media, but also by people close to you.




I struggle often dealing with this, as it bites when certain comments are coming from people close to you, people who matter to you, people you love, people whom you assume should understand you, etc.

I struggle because I don't want to kill my relationship with those people, and I don't know how to please them. I hunger for their acceptance and love.

I struggle because I feel like a little child again while being an adult.

I struggle because I wonder then how I should raise my own children.

I've sleepless nights because of this, and tears have dropped. But the next morning, I get up and I have to carry on with my life.

I joke about my previous life having been a horrible human being that my current life is about paying back my debts.

Still I am grateful I have a son who does love me. Little things he does tell me how much he loves me. I must learn to tell my children more often how much I love them. I must learn to tell them more often how proud I am of them without over-doing it.

Asians don't often express their feelings verbally as they feel others should understand or feel it. The more I'm exposed to the western culture, the more important I feel certain words need to be said.

I love the moments telling my children I love them.
I love the moments telling my husband I love him.
I love the moments my children still let me hug them.
I love the moments my children hug me back.
I love the moments my husband hugs me and tells me everything will be ok.

Without them, my world would collapse.