I then thought of my hubby, and certainly from my second marriage. Talking about that, my boss who also once divorced and remarried asked me during her visit in the Netherlands last week whether I appreciate my 2nd marriage more, like she does with hers. I said definitely without a doubt.
Not only because my first husband and I separated for painful reasons, but also because my hubby's love towards me has been so big that he accepted my being imperfect! He has been tossed into parenthood when my son was 6 years old. My son is not the most easy-going child, and possibly partially it is because he has got his father's genes, and mostly because of what he has been put through.
So here I am, dear hubby,
I know the last 2 years, your life seems to have got onto a rollercoaster without the chance of being able to stop for a minute to take a breath. First it was my pregnancy complications, and then it was Sami's health issues plus my postnatal mental state. A lot of focus has been on Sami, and me, but not you.
Most women complain about not being able to go out for a girls' night, but that is because their men are spending their men's night out there. Well, with us, you always do your best to be home right after work to be with us. Sometimes I do long for a girls' night or a date night with you, but I feel in a way guilty to be wanting that seeing you are always there for us.
I remember people have asked me when we met if I was seeing you as a rescue boat after I came out of my divorce. I asked myself many times that question, and I knew each time that I saw you more like my first love. I learned how much love I can have from someone who actually loves me that much. Before this, I lost myself in trying to please my ex by changing myself while nowadays, I may change myself, but it's more for myself.
I love you even more because I notice even though I have added some extra kilo's, you still say I'm beautiful because you love me. You are not just saying it to please me, but you do mean it.
We do have fights, but we have good fights. Yes, it takes time for every couple to learn living with each other's strength and weaknesses. Productive fights are necessary in a relationship, as we then grow together as a couple.
Sometimes I wish you and I had met 20 years ago, so that you could have the patient me, the gentle me, the funny me.... now I'm older, maybe a bit wiser, but less patient, less gentle, and less funny, simply because I have used those up. My first marriage drained that out of me, and at times I am terrified that you would leave me and my son with our daughter.
When these negative thoughts crawl all over me, I then remind myself that I'm now more mature. I stand up for myself much better than I used to. Love is not always perfect. It isn't a fairytale. And it does not always come easy, and when it does come easy, it doesn't stay easy. It's about overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and never letting go. It's a short word, easy to spell, difficult to describe, and impossible to go without. Love is hard work, but it is worthy to realize every moment of it, we are doing this together.
Anyway, if one day I have to leave this world, I would want you to know that I love you to the moon and back. Our daughter and son, and you are my everything. I can give up everything that I have, just to have you all. You have said to me that I am a strong woman, and that I can live without a man perfectly well. Yes, if I have to, I can, but definitely my world won't be the same without you. Thank you for loving me, and I love you!
Your wife
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