A letter to my kids

Dear Son,

Mommy had always wished to provide you a happy flawless childhood, and mommy still does. Mommy wished mommy never had to put you through what you'd to go through, mommy and daddy separating, knowing your daddy having hurt your mommy, losing your home, going from spending a night at granny's to forever not returning to the same home again with mommy. Not having a home for a few months before mommy managed to get ourselves our own place. Having to switch schools twice, and being split into two families. Sometimes you may feel you need to take sides, but that is not what mommy has intended to do. Mommy believes to provide you a safe happy environment to grow up, mommy needed to make those tough decisions which we could not unwind. Mommy hopes that you will learn one day at times, people have to make tough decisions and we just have to make the best out of it.

Mommy is grateful to see you handling it all, even though you at times struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Mommy knows it's hard for you having your daddy so far away, since he moved to out of the country for his future. Mommy tries not to be judgemental, and respects your love towards your daddy.

Mommy is proud of how well you have accepted your stepfather being part of our lives. You told your teacher at school how happy you were to see mommy being happy again. I know it's not easy, as your stepfather is very different from your daddy, but I hope you do feel the love we all are trying to provide you.

Mommy appreciates how much you love your little sister, though she is officially your half sister. You love her probably more than you love mommy. You learned to accept mommy having less time for you, as you understood mommy used to give you the same time and patience when you were little. You do your best to keep your sister happy even when she cries. You help mommy a lot too to take care of her, whether it is handing me things, or watching her while mommy cooks.

You may feel mommy being tough on you at times, but this is just to help teaching you being a decent and responsible person. Mommy wants to see you doing your best, as you are one intelligent shining star, and I know you can achieve so much in life. Mommy wants to see your making the most out of your intelligence. Mommy doesn't need you to be famous and rich, but Mommy wants to see you having tried your best, being honest and decent!

Mommy can see how much you do love mommy. Little things you do, hugs and kisses you give to mommy, Mommy can see and feel that. Mommy won't tell you how you should love mommy back, because mommy can already feel it. Mommy wants you to know that no matter what happens later on in life, mommy's door is always open for you. Mommy would be so proud of you when seeing you spreading your wings and flying to the big world out there when you're ready.

In the meantime, just remember how much mommy loves you!

Your mommy....

Dear daughter,

Mama wished you could be born via natural birth, instead of a C-section, so that mama had more energy taking care of you, just that mama couldn't change the nature. Mama wished you won't have to go through all those medical issues you'd gone through during your first year. Your being hospitalized for 6 times in six months, being in an emergency room, plenty of times in the urgent care, plus being operated twice are things that only mama and papa would remember, and luckily you won't. No parents want to see their kids suffer, no matter how serious the illness is. Parents wish to take any pain or discomfort from you and have it on themselves than seeing their kids suffer.

Mama is so grateful to see the big smiles you carry on your face, and how proud you are whenever you manage to do something on your own. It can be as little as getting yourself to seat on a chair.

Mama is very proud of your exploring your world. You would carefully first observe what is happening before you engage yourself into it. The Dutch would call it as "a cat watching from a tree". Even though you are little, you are not afraid to show your true nature. Mama does not have to worry about your being teased by other kids, as you clearly let people know when you are not pleased. Mama hopes you would learn to be more subtle on this in the future when you grow older, but for now, it's ok.

Mama appreciates how much you love your big brother, how you look up to him. When mama gets into rough playing on your brother, you assume he is getting hurt, so you would try to object and stop mama.

You may feel mama sometimes having lost patience on you when you get mama out of bed 5 times at night or when you refuse to eat. Mama just wants to make sure you are growing ok, and mama does realize this will pass. Mama doesn't need you to be one chubby baby/ toddler, but just being healthy is good enough. Mama apologizes when she loses her patience simply because of stress and tiredness.

Mama can see how much you do love mama. Little things you do, your grabbing mama putting your arms around mama, patting mama on mama's back, your needing mama. Mama can see and feel that. Mama won't tell you how you should love mama back, because mama can already feel it. Mama wants you to know that no matter what happens later on in life, mama's door is always open for you. Mama would be so proud of you when seeing you spreading your wings and flying to the big world out there when you're ready.

In the meantime, just remember how much mama loves you!

Your mama....