Highlights of the week....

I am very grateful these days that I have met many inspiring people lately in my life. They have inspired me in many different ways.

 

I have learned to ask myself more frequently what the highlights are of my week, what the down moments may be, what tricks I have done to make things better in life, what my best characters are. All these help me to get to know myself even better, and eventually I hope to come to peace in doing some closures on my old scars.

 

My highlight of the week now is definitely my son's 10th birthday. 10th birthday is as special as it is for him as it is for me. I still can remember all special moments I have shared with him, especially the day he came to this world. At the same time, I did find myself feeling a moment of bitterness as when my ex sent me a message saying how he remembers holding him at that first moment, as I remember also well how he said he thanked me for giving him such a boy. When I felt that, I pushed that feeling away immediately, and focused on getting his birthday organized. I've got his treats ready, and we went to school together, with my daughter along. She loved the big kids' world, and my son's love towards his sister was just showing amazingly well without him doing it on purpose. I enjoyed that moment very well and almost wanted to freeze that.

 

 

 

 

My son then had his kiddie party, and everyone that came along had a great time. They didn't want to leave but it was a good two hours play. We as adults were glad to get out of the busy indoor playground anyway.

 

Though my son begged to play with other kids longer, I decided it was a good moment to cool him down with all the sugar and excitement he had, so he immediately picked up a book that he got and started reading it. I am so happy to see how much he now enjoys reading.

 

After picking up his sister from daycare, we went out for dinner as a family of four. It was good, though slightly stressful with my daughter not wanting to eat much. I can't wait to have the teething stage over... My son enjoyed the little treat the restaurant did, and people sang birthday song to him.

 

The fun of going to a restaurant with a toddler is that you have to go for the escape route when they start getting tired, impatient, and fussy. We went home, got both kids showered/ bathed. We had our little cake celebration before they went to bed. All in all, I think it was a great way to have his birthday celebrated. To me, my children's birthday makes me happier than my own birthday, because my children are my pride!

 

 

 I love this song from this cool music group, Metro. They are western folks, but have learned to sing in Cantonese amazingly well. My son loves this song too as there was this year that I got a radio DJ playing this for him on his birthday, telling him that he is my pride!

 

 

Lately, I have found myself slowly learning to find tricks to make my life easier by communicating better with people around to stop myself from stressing out. I ask myself what the triggers are that causing me exploding, and I work my way around to avoid those. Like when my daughter is fussing, throwing food onto the floor, my son's bilibala, Cantonese expression of endless talking just triggers my mind to shut down completely. Therefore, instead of letting things going out of hand, I decided one day to ask him if he would like my full attention when he talks to me. He of course said yes, so I said, "my dear, I am not coping well at the moment with your little sister fussing while it's something she cannot help as she cannot express herself. So can you wait till I have more time, then mommy can have her full attention to what you have to say?" Wow, I did it, that was what I realized after having said that. I felt good when seeing my son's reaction. He didn't keep on going, and he understood.

 

Because of whom I have grown into, always in the high-speed mode and doing a lot of things independently, I get myself all stressed out. And maybe because people around me are used to my functioning as such, so when I slow down, I find myself getting more stressed as work isn't done as I wish. I don't know how to do things differently yet to give myself more breathing space. That's something I still yet have to learn.

 

 

I am amazed by how much I have come to realization lately after being more conscious of what have happened with me in the past, and instead of just keep on going, I have found myself actually been on a survival mode. My being strong, being highly efficient, being forgiving, being loyal and being caring are all strong characters from me, things I have heard of others saying about me. Yet, these all are often linked to my having to survive, having to move on, so I have trained myself for being so.

 

A lot of the things I have not told people about are things which I don't want people to feel I am making a big deal of them. Now after having revealed them more and more, people are telling me that they are matters that shouldn't be taken lightly.

 

I still have a lot of homework to do on myself. One of them is being passionate not only to others, but also to myself. I don't know how to get that done just yet, and I will find out more soon.