I have been feeling overwhelmed simply by a lot of things that have happened in the past and presence. I don't want my past to haunt me, as I believe we live in the presence, and we should not let our past to influence us too much.
And yes, I don't dare to ask for "me" time, as I feel it would be a selfish thing to ask for. This could be because of my cultural background, and what happened in my first marriage. I often was told being a selfish person though others have told me that I have never been.
Luckily, my husband supports me. Yesterday I texted him to tell him that once Sami has gone to bed, I would like to go out for a run to start exercising again. And we did it! I felt GOOD and luckily it was not raining, so I had a good day to start running, even though it was dark out there.
Sami has not been a great sleeper since birth, and we don't know why apart from thinking it is because of her health. Maybe out of love and protection, my husband doesn't like the idea of getting a babysitter to come into our house to watch the kids. I miss really having date nights or a quiet dinner without kids in a bit more fancy restaurant than a cafe. I miss having girls nights out too. Yet, this is what I've traded in for when I became a mother for the second time.
Yesterday, Julian came home and when I reminded him that he had to study for his history test for today, he was anything but pleased. So I asked him if he wanted to get good grades for it and why he doesn't like studying it. He said it was stupid and useless anyway in the future. I acknowledged his feelings, told him that I also felt the same way and hated it as a child. However, I learned then the older I become, the more useful history is, because it became common sense. And without history, there is no presence. We are making the history each day in fact. After that, he took 15 minutes and managed to finish studying it properly.
After that, I had a short talk with him during dinner. I told him that I love him loads and will always remain loving him. I asked him if he loves me, and he said yes. Then I told him that it upsets me a lot when we end up yelling at each other. I asked him to put his thinking pet on, and if he can come up with ways to stop us yelling at each other. He came up with the idea to make a board sign that says "STOP". Whenever one is about to yell, the other would then use that sign to remind the agreement made. I told him I was proud that he came up with this, and that he could make this on Wednesday when he has the afternoon off from school.
Another trigger I think of that I listed the other day, is his not being prepared for his football training or competition. So I told him that I feel sad to see him being frustrated whenever he needs to look for things at the last minute which gives everyone extra stress. I asked him if he could come up with some suggestions to change that. He thought for a second and told me that maybe he could use a box to put all those things in there. And if they are in the laundry, he would put a note in it to remind himself that. I told him that he can give that a try and see if that works well for him.
After these conversations, I let him to watch a nice movie which I think is also educational for him. He loved it and was thankful for being allowed to watch a movie. I at the same time had time to take care of his little sister without yelling back and forth of what he would need to do.
So all in all, I am glad I've opened up, and let people see what I'm going through. Often I catch myself being so occupied with daily stress that I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. And maybe it just takes some small adjustment in the way we communicate with our kids, then some changes will take place. I am not expecting a miracle to happen overnight, but I am happy to make a start.
I am a strong believer in peaceful parenting, rather than the traditional way that I was brought up in. My mom used to physically punish me, and that was something normal at the time, so please don't get me wrong, I'm not judging my mom on this. Yet, I do think by overpowering a child would not help them understand what message we are trying to pass to them, and what lesson they should be learning. Yes, in the adult world, there is real punishment in which for some people it works and for others it does not. But let's give our children the room to develop in a positive peaceful way.
To be continued.....
No comments:
Post a Comment