4 months sleep regression?

Even though I'm a mom for the 2nd time, I must have forgotten all the nasty things with my son, that I actually decided to go for this again for the 2nd time!!! I can't remember anything about 4 months sleep regression with my son.

We had been struggling for a long time with reflux, and feeding issues, that maybe the sleep regression wasn't so apparant to me until recently when she started drinking better. It's been 1.5 week since she has been waking up at night. She wakes up 2-4 times at night! I first blamed it on her being hungry as initially she wasn't drinking well. Then I thought it was teething. But then someone mentioned 4-month sleep regression.

These days, you can google on almost anything, so I googled on 4 month sleep regression, and yes, I have read a lot of articles ranging from written by sleep consultants to just mommies who have been going through this. What I've gathered is that at 4 months, the brain is starting to develop in such a rapid speed that the little ones are overwhelmed by it, plus their sleeping pattern is more like an adult, meaning they will wake up a couple times at night. We as adults don't notice that as much anymore as we have learned to go back to sleep, while the little ones haven't been able to do so yet.

In the beginning, we have been running down to her, or most of the time, I'm the one doing so, checking on her, and putting her dummy back into her mouth. But each time, as she waves with her arms all the time, rubbing her eyes, her nose, her head, etc, the dummy is out before I get out of the room. So these days, I only do it once, and then just walk out of her room again, and let her be. I'm often lying on my bed afterwards, fearing hearing her over the baby phone, so even if she has fallen back to sleep, I often am in my bed all awake. Sometimes my hubby will be awake, and he will also do the same. There was one night a week ago that she was really upset and crying, that we just fed her.

Now after having done some reading, I've come to the conclusion to try a few things:

1. Try not giving her the dummy, as she will get so dependent on it that she will make me get out of my bed each time when that thing falls out of her mouth. I wish there was a manufacturer who can come up with something better, something that will just stay in her mouth, at least for the night! This part I can remember with my son, whereby I was doing the exact same thing, especially during the nap times! We already put a little cloth through the ring of her dummy, which is a trick that I had learned from the hospital with my son at the time.
2. Try putting her to bed earlier. I really notice the major difference with having a second child! You just have less room to be flexible! You have to pay attention to the fact that your other child needs to be able to sleep too, or get dinner on time. You can't just focus on one child. The fortunate thing is that my son goes to my ex often these days during the summer holiday, so that I've more room to be flexible at the moment. We have been bringing her upstairs for her bath at 7:30 pm, and then she would be having her bottle at 7:45 pm. If she drinks well, she would be in bed by 8 pm. I remember with my son, I used to have him in bed between 7 pm and 7:30 pm. So maybe we need to bring her bedtime a bit earlier to make a small difference?! My husband comes home often late, which is also one of the reasons why we have been doing this kinda late, as I wanted to have him to be involved as well as helping me. I know I can do it alone, but still....
3. Try giving her just the normal bottle at 11:30 pm instead of messing around with the rice cereal which I've not got the right mixture with the right size teat. If someone has a great knowledge on this, please educate me! But last night, as I tried giving the milk mixed with rice cereal, with a smaller teat that the one she was offered the night before which she almost choked over it, it took her initially ages to drink, and then when I went downstairs to make another normal bottle of milk and left her with my hubby, she was all awake and thought it was time to play. She found playing with her milk in her mouth quite interesting, just that I definitely wasn't amused at that hour. She also took awhile to go back to sleep as she was chatting the whole time then.
4. Try telling myself that from all the issues we had been through, this has to be NEXT TO NOTHING! This will pass, and I will get some sleep!!! I read a blog written by a mom about her daughter going through this. She wrote this a year ago, so the good thing about an old post is that I could just click through all posts she wrote, and saw she actually got to sleep again. She did have to do sleep training by using Cry-it-out option which was her last option after they had tried everything, but after a week or two, her daughter actually slept much better. I really secretly hope we won't have to apply this approach in the future!
5. Sit it out... yes... final resort, which isn't even a choice

I'm hoping one day I can read back, and have a smile on my face and realizing I was getting all worked up and worried over something so tiny!




Yeah... she is now in the phase of realizing how magical her hands are!

Making the right choice for our kids....

As a child, I always looked up at my parents, knowing that they were making the right choices for us. Then the older I got, the more I went challenging those choices, asking why they would know they were really making the right choices for us. Now being a mom of two kids, I certainly have come to realization that it's not really about making the right choices, but making the best choices you can at those moments. Sometimes we cannot tell whether they are really right or not, and maybe there is just no definition of whether they are right. What really matters is we have done our best to come up with the best for ourselves and for our kids.



Recently we had to make the decision to go ahead with an oesophagus pH test to see the amount of stomach acid Sami has in her oesophagus, so better medication against reflux can be given accordingly. The thought of having a tube being put through her nostrils down to her oesophagus really worries me how much pain or discomfort our little one would have. Yet, we know by doing this, we can better establish how much she suffers from reflux.

We noticed after having stopped with her medication, she started drinking much better than ever! This gave me such a reassurance that I have not been fighting this battle for nothing, and that it was real bullshit for those medical staff telling me not to pay attention to how much Sami is drinking. Simply Sami was having discomfort or not feeling well after having taken the medication, and therefore she refused to drink. I just wish the medical staff didn't challenge my mother instinct as much as they did.

I've heard during the last few months of them telling me:

• maybe the way I was holding wasn't right, 
• maybe it was the bottle or teats so we bought the whole drugstore home with all sort of teats and bottles,
• maybe it was me who was too stressed and that the baby felt it so she stopped drinking,
• maybe she just doesn't like milk
• maybe she just doesn't need that much
• maybe she has an attitude
• maybe she associates drinking with a bad experience she had been through

We have asked the pediatricians so often whether the medicine's side effects can be bothering her so much that she therefore stops drinking. The answers we have been getting have been:

• We have never had kids having problems with this medicine.
• Nah... that should not be an issue.

If there aren't any side effects, why would they be mentioned on the leaflets of the medicine?! Our little girl isn't capable of telling us what's bothering her, so all we can do as parents is to be her voice as much as we can. During the last months, because of the lack of support I've been getting from the medical team, I have been doubting myself a lot, wondering if I'm really the issue here, making a big deal out of nothing, and that maybe I should accept having a fussy child.

Now looking back, I can proudly stand up and say they were proven wrong and I've been right all along. Ok, I'm no doctor, and I can't treat my child like a doctor can. Yet, I know I've not been overreacting as much as they claim then!

The nights that Sami now drinks well, I really enjoy holding her after her finishing her bottle, all drowsy, leaning her head over my shoulder. I can now find the bond we have stronger. When I've her in my arms, she would have her little arm around me, and I know she knows I'm someone important to her. I love walking to her when she wakes up (ok, not at night when she wakes up at 2 am or 4 am.) and smiles at me. I love seeing her wanting to look at me rather than playing with her toys. These feelings are now getting stronger and stronger, and I can sense somehow things will turn around soon. The light at the end of the tunnel will be there soon. Certainly there will still be sleepless nights, there will still be struggles and so, yet I think this has been quite a big milestone for all of us.



I've also been learning to accept my limits. I think it's something which we should also teach our kids too. Even though I feel guilty for not being there for Sami when they do the oesophagus pH test, as I sent daddy to go instead, I know it's for the best. It won't do Sami any good if she has a mom all scared or emotional over there while daddy may be more calm and can give her the reassurance that it will be fine. I've to tell myself that it's ok to accept this from myself, and that I can do some other things good too. It sounds selfish to say, but it's important to take care of ourselves first before we can be good parents for our kids.

126 days of being a mommy of 2 kids...

It's funny how sometimes you feel the time is going by so slowly, and you're counting the days, hoping that the time will go by quicker. Then when you're there, you realize afterwards that time has passed by too quick somehow, while in fact, every second is ticking the same speed for everyone in this universe.

I've really mixed feelings when looking back at how I've done the last 126 days. It's not been easy on any of us in the family, my son, my hubby, and my 126 days old baby girl, Sami. I love all of them more than anything, but at times we are giving ourselves so much stress on each other that we can be stepping on each other's toes.

Well, Sami remains to be Sami... we have been struggling for some 4 months on her feeding and reflux issues. I can't even count how often I'm with her in clinics and hospitals. I used to think Julian was a fussy baby, but comparing Sami and Julian which I know I shouldn't, Sami is definitely a more complicated case for me.

During these 4 months, I have once again seen myself in the mirror, and I came to realization how I hate some part of me. I wish I could be someone with loads of patience and love, but when handling a baby with feeding issues or struggling to fall asleep, or when my son also needs attention while I'm busy with Sami, or whenever the stress is going over my limit, there is this switch in my head that may just snap. I'm scared of those moments, as all I wanna do is to run away, or to yell. Certainly, I know it's not the kids' fault of what they are doing at those moments, and certainly I know I'm the adult here who must show our kids how to behave and control our feelings. It's just NOT easy.


10 mins...20 mins... 30 mins... an hour....


There are definitely moments where I wonder if I've gotten myself over-worrying, or overreacting. Luckily, those moments aren't too long when I hear also what others are saying. That helps and reassures me that I'm doing the best I can. I don't know if that is sufficient but I need to tell myself to accept my limits too. This isn't easy for me, as I'm always someone who wants to have a quick fix, and does 120% to achieve the results.

Some people suggest my lowering the stress level, just that I haven't figured out what would work for me.

1. Working less? Not really an option for me. Financially I can't afford to. And mentally I know I'm not the kind of woman who can sit home long. I'm someone who needs to stay busy.
2. Getting my hubby to help more? Well, he has been doing the best he can, seeing he is a first-time dad. Ok, he is definitely not a baby whisper. He is somehow a typical man. He can sleep over any kind of noise most of the time (once he is asleep that is). I hardly bother him when Sami wakes up at night as I'm a light sleeper, so I thought since there is already one person who is fully awake, why bother waking up the other one if he can sleep?! But the downside is having to get up so often at night lately and being at work as well does get tougher and tougher in a long run. He doesn't worry over every thing that the kids do like I do. He does do take care of Sami, probably more than some traditional Chinese men, but when we are together in the weekend, normally I'm the one doing most feedings and so.
3. Having someone to help us out? Well, our parents as well as parents in laws aren't physically able to take over the caring role, even though they would love to. And we don't really have friends who can really do so, apart from Julian's former nanny, but unfortunately she lives a bit farther away, or else that might have been great for me to just catch my breath once a while.

The only thing I'm telling myself each morning is that this WILL pass, it WILL get better, I WILL be able to enjoy parenthood more, we WILL get more sleep...., I WILL be able to eat dinner without rushing...



People tell me not to be too hard on myself, but I find it hard not to feel guilty when I see people having kids with a big smile on their faces. The moms look wonderful, while I hardly care about what clothing I'm wearing. I want to be a happy mom and a happy wife too. These days I am too tired for having sex, plus it has been too warm and I hate feeling all sticky and sweaty. But I know I shouldn't ignore that, as sex is also important for our relationship. I don't want my son to feel that now that his sister is born, I have no time for him.

So I do keep trying. I try to go with him to the library to get books that he likes reading. I try to take him to the McDonald's once in a while. I try to go for a walk with him together with Sami in the buggy so that we can chat when having our walk.

And I also tell myself not to get upset over little things, as life is too short to get upset over little things. I need to put things in perspective, looking at them in a bigger picture from a more positive angle.

Yes, I do have my breakdown moments from time to time. I do say certain things that I don't mean and regret awfully afterwards. Still I am grateful for having a hubby that does his best to support and to understand. I'm also lucky to have a son who understands a lot, and is willing to help me as much as possible. Yesterday after he had gone out to play for an hour and half, he still went with me to go for another 1 1/2 hour walk with Sami. I admire the love he has on his little sister, since it wasn't even his choice of whether having a sister or not. He isn't getting much back from little sister so far apart from the smiles she gives him, and her staring at him, but he still loves her adorably. He comes up with silly games to play with her, such as "who can stare the longest without blinking the eyes", or taking selfies photos with her with his old-fashioned mobile phone which is very tricky.




I share my feelings on Facebook. Some people may find me being annoying, as it sounds to them like I'm only thinking about myself, over-sharing, and that they may want to say to me they don't care. Well, I hope the friends that I cherish won't feel that way, as that's for me a platform to vent my feelings and frustrations, and to share my happiness. Luckily, I've also received great support from women out there, giving me ideas and a pat on the shoulder. That is very sweet of them, and no words can describe how much those mean to me.

110 days further... Still learning on the job

Sami is now 110 days old. She is becoming more aware of her environment. She loves it when people talk to her, and when her brother goes entertaining her, she even laughed a few times out loud, which is the best music in the world! She has been lifting her body up a bit by using her legs, so maybe it won't be long before she can roll herself over. I still remember how astonished I was when seeing that happening for the first time with Julian.



Not only is Sami learning everyday. I'm learning every day too. Even though I'm a mom for the 2nd time, with 8 years of parenthood experiences, it's like going onto a new job in the same field. You will have a new boss, new colleagues, new standards, new environment, etc.

With Sami's feeding and reflux issues, Sami has been admitted to the hospital already 4 times since she was born. Recently we have changed her reflux medication, as the one she was given since she was 6 weeks old isn't really meant for babies, and no proper research has been done on it for babies. In the US, it's even not approved by the FDA. As parents, you expect doctors to know the best, so you trust them. Luckily, these days we have the world of internet. Certainly we need to find the right balance and find the right source, to avoid self-doctor-ing too much. However, we have seen multiple times that our parents instinct isn't too far off. Just too bad that babies can't talk, and it's therefore our job as parents to represent them and to help them.

I'm someone who likes to be in control and stay productive, with high expectations on myself, quick in resolving things, etc. So when it comes down to parenthood, I suck in this new job. My boss, Sami, protests quicker than any usual bosses, and sometimes I don't know the exact reasons behind the protests. So to resolve things, you can't expect the choices you've made would work or would show its effect that quickly. I have to learn to sometimes let things rest a bit, let it go, and see if all will fall into its own space by itself eventually. At the same time, that doesn't mean I'm giving up.

Also, with this new job, I've new colleagues, namely my hubby and my 8 years old son (from my previous marriage, and is my other boss). My hubby is new to the world of parenthood in total. On a working floor, normally men and women work differently, and in the world of parenthood, that applies too. He isn't a baby whisper, and probably he won't be one. Having baby whisper qualification certainly would be a preference, but like any recruitment process, companies can't always get what they want. We just have to work with what we have, and everyone is different! My hubby has other skills that I don't have. He is most of the time more patient than I'm when our boss protests. He provides back-office support, such as cleaning, cooking, getting groceries, etc. We sometimes disagree with each other, but then we often talk through it and work on a better solution.

In this new job, even with all the skills I've gathered over the last 8 years, I am encountering different and new challenges often. And the great part is though that with the world of social media and internet, I'm getting more support from people whom have been in the same or similar shoes as mine. We share our experiences and sometimes it helps to just laugh over it. We remind ourselves that any of the difficult stages we come across would not last forever.

We will eventually get to sleep through the night and that we end up needing to kick them out of bed instead.
We will eventually have our own living room back without baby furnitures or toys all over the place.
We will eventually have our kitchen counter back without baby food, formula milk and milk bottles lying there.
We will eventually go on vacation without moving the whole household along and hoping that you can still enjoy a little bit of your vacation instead of just having an environment change.
We will eventually have our dinner peacefully without rushing so that you can take over or aim to lower the crying boss' volume.
We will eventually have less baggy eyes due to the lack of sleep.

I am sure there are plenty more that anyone in a similar job can add onto this list.

Yet this is a job that I've signed up for with my one particular colleague, my hubby, and it's a job that you can't resign from until we leave this world. There is no sick leave on this job, and you're only paid by kisses, smiles, etc. It's amazing how rewarding these immaterial items are which keep us going all the time. We do get taxed by having to pay for their food, their clothing, their education, their entertainment, etc. I will openly admit sometimes I want to glue my bosses behind the wallpaper as the Dutch will say it. From this job, I can see my strength and weaknesses very well. But still... I love my two lovely bosses. I am sure at each work anniversary I get on this job, I can look back and say "yes we did it!" and time may feel like it has flown by, even though the days may seem so long when we are dealing with each project/ stage.

My two bosses

Good days and bad days

Definitely with a baby, you can have a great day and then followed by a bad day. I'd that yesterday.

Yesterday Sami did sleep well in the morning, but she somehow started drinking not so well for some reason. We went out briefly, shorter than we had been doing the last couple days. She slept a bit in the pram, probably some 30-40 mins. By the time we got home, I'd her fed and hoped she would sleep as she seemed very tired. She slept for 10 mins and woke up crying. I do put her to bed most of the time with her being still awake, and the other times it's purely because she got so knocked out after drinking her bottle that I won't bother to wake her up to put her to bed. Anyway, she hardly slept then, and so my next hope, and I mean feeding was around the block again. So I fed her, and she fell asleep as well, but for only 5 mins followed by crying. I often first let her moan a bit, or cry a bit before really going to her. Just that this technique only works well in the morning but not that well later on during the day. She slept then maybe for 30 mins, and then I finally took her out after letting her moan a bit longer.

Anyway, everyday is a new day to me, and everyday I've new hopes.

87 days.... 13 days left before her 100 days and before my going back to work

I have to say I've real mixed feelings about going back to work. On one hand, I really want to be me again at work, being able to stay focus, concentrated, productive, and in control. On the other hand, now that it seems like finally the last 1-2 weeks I'm getting a hang of this whole new motherhood thing with my 2nd child, I've to go back to work. I can get used to now getting up in the morning, having my quiet easy start while Sami goes back to sleep after her 6-7 o'clock bottle. Then in the afternoon, going out with her is something we both seem to finally being able to enjoy.

Yesterday was one of the best days. Sami slept till 10:30 am, so I gave her the bottle later than scheduled. After that, we went to town to have dim sum with my mom by taking the metro. She was happily in the pram in the restaurant, staring at the fake crystal lights. She was so fascinated by it that she fell asleep eventually. I could just enjoy my lunch without worrying about her. Then we went to a photo studio as I've this coupon for one photo taken between 0-3 months, then 4-6 months, 7-9 months and 10-12 months. When we got there, I had to get her nappy changed first, and luckily they even have a changing mat there! As she slept well, so she was a happy camper, and did very well. She only cried once but that was busy she wasn't sitting comfortably.

And certainly, the studio would do their best to sell more photo products to the parents by taking more than just one. And parents are sold by the fact that they can't make the same set themselves, or it can never be guaranteed that the child would cooperate as well as he/ she just did there. So most probably I would get a set of photos from them. I'm curious to see the outcome. They even let me and my mom being on the photos. Hope they will turn out to be good.

After the photos were taken, I fed Sami in the department store where they have sufficient space for me to do so. Then she just slept in her pram again while I went doing some shopping. And once we got home, I decided to let her in her box, not wanting to struggle with running up to her room with her crying her lungs out. She slept a bit there too. Is it a good thing to do? Probably I would get so many people saying no, I should have put her up in her room. But now I've learned to just go with my feelings. Certainly, most of the time, I put her in her room to let her sleep, and yes, she would cry before she falls asleep. But seeing this time she slept quite a bit already throughout the day, I can live with that.

And so this was one of the days I would probably miss in the future. Soon I'll have to rush to the daycare after work to pick up both kids, then run home to get dinner ready for the family, and hopefully Sami would take a short nap while I do this. Then get her sorted, and get both kids cleaned and off to bed. My hubby won't probably be home yet to help. I know I should be able to handle this, as I must, yet I'm a bit anxious about it. Sometimes I wish the society could provide more support to moms who work. Women are expected to do so much more these days, and they are constributing also to the society. Yet, when they are off from work, they still have to pick up most of the things at home. If you're lucky, you may have a man who is very keen and hands-on with kids and household. Otherwise, you're pretty much on your own. That's what I feel.

So you can imagine then why I've mixed thoughts on going back to work. Also, for the last 2-3 years, I'm used to have a nanny for Julian for 5 days a week. Now he will be home with us on the Wednesday's and Friday's, as he and his sister will go to the daycare 3 times per week. I'm really hoping I can get this worked out well. I love Julian, but sometimes when you're in stress, it's hard to be doing positive parenting.

Being a mom means improvising

Being a mom means improvising, that's because whenever something happens suddenly, we have to come up with solutions immediately for our kids.

This morning after my hubby got out of shower, he told me that there was no water supply all of sudden. It turns out that we didn't get the notice, but there was work being done in the street further down that we won't have water till noon today. Ok, we could skip taking a shower, and we could brush our teeth with the little water supply we had, but what about Sami's bottles that were used and not yet rinsed?!

First thing I did was to call the water supply company who seemed to know nothing about the water supply issue. Then I went downstairs to the constructors who were putting a building in front of our house down, and they told me that it was planned that we would have no water due to the work done further down. I went afterwards to the supermarket that is under our apartment, and there I could use their tap to clean Sami's bottles, and fill up an one-litre bottle as water reserve. Luckily, I don't mind asking the people at the supermarket, and they are nice enough to let us use their water. I even could just walk down there with the baby phone. That's another convenience I've with a supermarket below my apartment.

Improvising is something being a mom that has to be activated. Just like the other time when Julian came home while it was planned that he would go with another mom to play in a korfball game, but it turned out he was supposed to be on the bike in order to ride along. Well, I'd Sami home, but luckily I also had some visitors who could watch Sami for the ten minutes I'd to be away, so that I could bring Julian over there anyway.