I remember well that one thing I really hate people asking me is "why didn't you do this?" or "why did you do this...?". As actually those people who asked the question actually wanted you to do certain things. I prefer people rephrasing it and giving a suggestion instead of asking me why I didn't or did certain thing different from what they want to suggest.
I once said to my hubby that he should not ask Julian then why he did certain bad things, since often as a child, I remember when my parents asked me why I misbehaved, I'd no answer to that. I couldn't think of why. And definitely even if a child misbehaves to get certain attention, he or she sure won't tell you because he/ she wants attention from you.
I got annoyed today from my nanny who temporarily is babysitting Julian on why I won't leave Sami more often downstairs. I said that's because I want to get Sami some quiet moments to calm down and probably sleep if she wants to. She then said I should keep her downstairs to get her more used to being around noises and I would not have to run up and down the stairs. This nanny is a good nanny in the sense that she makes it very clear to Julian where the boundary is. However, she often asks questions like why I don't spend more time with Julian, or why I don't lend more books from the library more often than I do now....etc. Well, if I could, I would, but for now, I'm doing what I can and I don't think Julian is missing out so awful lot, if I compare my childhood with his. Certainly, we all can go the library and lend books for the kids as often as once a week instead of my 3-6 weeks, or we can go to different classes with our kids. Just that sometimes these days, we tend to do so much more, thinking that's a must.
It's easy to make comments to others, but what I've learned recently is that we need to watch out when giving comments or suggestions to others. By rephrasing the words, the music is already so much different for the person who receives it.
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