Outbalancing the negativity with the positivity as a mother

My last blog ended positively when sharing my joy of celebrating my son's 10th birthday. Just that life is with ups and downs. The following day, he was vomiting and sitting on the toilet from a stomach flu. He was saying how hard a lesson he has learned, not to pick food off the floor and eat it, not eating so many candies in one-go, not wearing only one layer of t-shirt in the cooler days, etc. Anyway, I don't think he had been that sick for as long as he could remember (of course, he had been there before, just that he doesn't remember it anymore.) He did shape up after a day and life went on as usual. He went to school on Friday, and on Saturday he went for his football match. On Sunday, he got another bag of candies from his Chinese teacher who doesn't seem to understand that I dislike bribing children to learn by candies or junk food, so there we went with the so-called lessons he learned. He was sick again.

 

Meanwhile, at the daycare where Sami's goes to, stomach flu is going on too. Sure enough, it didn't take long for her to join the club. I have not seen so much mess in my life within a short-time frame. Loads of laundry and lots of toilet and puke bucket cleaning, in the hope to stop bacteria/ virus spreading any further in the household.

 

Because of the stomach flu, we have slowed down the reflux medicine weaning. Unfortunately, after having been to 3 hospitals for Sami, we just don't have answers on Sami's frequent cough, snot, poor eating, and all. At times, I end up being the doctor, as doctors have asked me what I wanted instead.

 

It's awfully frustrating to someone like me who is crazily solution-orientated when there is just no solution! At work, when I am confronted by challenges, I often manage to find ways to handle it, to solve it, and feel satisfied by that. Now with a child who is often sick, and who is a toddler with a strong sense of what she wants and doesn't want, I am in need of an infuse-load of patience.

My hubby then reminded me when I said I hope she will feel better soon, that it is just the beginning. I felt so depressed when hearing that, while his point is to tell me "get used to it, that's life about having kids."

 

Am I not ready for kids? Sometimes it sure feels like so, because of the amount of failure I feel having as being a mother. I love my children and I won't trade them in for anything else.

 

At the same time, undoubtedly, I miss my pre-mother life too. I wish I realized back then that I actually had loads of free "ME" time. What did I do with that?!

After my second-round pregnancy, my body betrayed me. I have gained weight. That hurts my self-esteem. I do want to look good and feel sexy again. Luckily, there are people out there who are willing to tell the world that it's OK to show your motherly figure. It is what comes along being a mother, having a baby inside you for 9 months each time, and for those who have breastfed, realizing that your breasts can actually do so much!

 

 

My tiredness took over my sex life. Sleep is more important than sex to me now. When we do have sex, it's often a quick one. My less-sexy body makes me at times uncertain about my atrractiveness even though I know my hubby understands and does not complain. I know good marriage needs often good sex in the formula. It's an investment in our relationship.

 

I remember seeing someone posting on a mother support Facebook group, wondering why there is so much negativity about motherhood. I ask myself the same thing. I guess it's a natural thing to do, thinking about the negativity more than the positivity.

 

So I ask myself then what about pleasant events? Are there any pleasant events that I can do to outbalance it? Something that I can really do, and not wish to do.

Jogging/ walking

Yes, I do that from time to time after lunch break at work. Or when I'm up for it, going for a run after kids have gone to bed.

Thinking, "I've done a full-day of work, and I've done my best."

It's the latter part of the sentence that is most important. It's like a pat on the shoulder, but to myself.

Having lunch with my colleagues
We laugh over silly things and talk about serious stuff.

Shopping

I was never crazy about shopping until I started my career, since I didn't have money to in the past. And my loving shopping tells me I'm just like any other ladies who enjoy that.

 

Helping others

Even my schedule is busy, and maybe I sometimes overdo it, I love the idea of being able to help others. Maybe it's because I know how life sometimes can be when you feel helpless and when someone comes around the corner, it's like bringing you warmth during an ice-cold winter. Last week, I brought some food over for a friend who is ill and has kids. Her smile was such a gift to me when she welcomed me to her house.

 

Blogging & Writing

Writing helps to structure my thinking, and put my life back in perspective again. Sometimes it does bring out some sad emotions back onto the surface, but maybe they are not meant to be hidden at all times.

 

Expressing my love to someone

When noticing my hubby being in a grumpy mood, I try to cheer him up by being silly, tickling him, and telling him I love him.

 

Reading inspiring articles and talking to inspiring people

Thanks to the world of Internet, I have access to a world of inspiring articles as well as getting to know a few inspiring people. They have brought me joy and encouragement in my life. They think of me, and send messages from time to time, which helps. They don't tell me what to do in life, but tell me that I am doing also a good job.

 

Reflecting on how I have improved

Thinking back how I did things and how I have improved helps. It's not easy to sit for a moment and tell myself that. Also, generally I am not the type glorifying myself, but I think sometimes it is good to look ourselves back in the mirror, and seeing how we have grown.

 

Getting a massage

This has not been something I have done for awhile. My hubby is the first who brought to my first massage, and I am very pleased that he did! Making the time for it is often the key, but it does relax myself so much that I sleep better at night.

 

 

 

 

Highlights of the week....

I am very grateful these days that I have met many inspiring people lately in my life. They have inspired me in many different ways.

 

I have learned to ask myself more frequently what the highlights are of my week, what the down moments may be, what tricks I have done to make things better in life, what my best characters are. All these help me to get to know myself even better, and eventually I hope to come to peace in doing some closures on my old scars.

 

My highlight of the week now is definitely my son's 10th birthday. 10th birthday is as special as it is for him as it is for me. I still can remember all special moments I have shared with him, especially the day he came to this world. At the same time, I did find myself feeling a moment of bitterness as when my ex sent me a message saying how he remembers holding him at that first moment, as I remember also well how he said he thanked me for giving him such a boy. When I felt that, I pushed that feeling away immediately, and focused on getting his birthday organized. I've got his treats ready, and we went to school together, with my daughter along. She loved the big kids' world, and my son's love towards his sister was just showing amazingly well without him doing it on purpose. I enjoyed that moment very well and almost wanted to freeze that.

 

 

 

 

My son then had his kiddie party, and everyone that came along had a great time. They didn't want to leave but it was a good two hours play. We as adults were glad to get out of the busy indoor playground anyway.

 

Though my son begged to play with other kids longer, I decided it was a good moment to cool him down with all the sugar and excitement he had, so he immediately picked up a book that he got and started reading it. I am so happy to see how much he now enjoys reading.

 

After picking up his sister from daycare, we went out for dinner as a family of four. It was good, though slightly stressful with my daughter not wanting to eat much. I can't wait to have the teething stage over... My son enjoyed the little treat the restaurant did, and people sang birthday song to him.

 

The fun of going to a restaurant with a toddler is that you have to go for the escape route when they start getting tired, impatient, and fussy. We went home, got both kids showered/ bathed. We had our little cake celebration before they went to bed. All in all, I think it was a great way to have his birthday celebrated. To me, my children's birthday makes me happier than my own birthday, because my children are my pride!

 

 

 I love this song from this cool music group, Metro. They are western folks, but have learned to sing in Cantonese amazingly well. My son loves this song too as there was this year that I got a radio DJ playing this for him on his birthday, telling him that he is my pride!

 

 

Lately, I have found myself slowly learning to find tricks to make my life easier by communicating better with people around to stop myself from stressing out. I ask myself what the triggers are that causing me exploding, and I work my way around to avoid those. Like when my daughter is fussing, throwing food onto the floor, my son's bilibala, Cantonese expression of endless talking just triggers my mind to shut down completely. Therefore, instead of letting things going out of hand, I decided one day to ask him if he would like my full attention when he talks to me. He of course said yes, so I said, "my dear, I am not coping well at the moment with your little sister fussing while it's something she cannot help as she cannot express herself. So can you wait till I have more time, then mommy can have her full attention to what you have to say?" Wow, I did it, that was what I realized after having said that. I felt good when seeing my son's reaction. He didn't keep on going, and he understood.

 

Because of whom I have grown into, always in the high-speed mode and doing a lot of things independently, I get myself all stressed out. And maybe because people around me are used to my functioning as such, so when I slow down, I find myself getting more stressed as work isn't done as I wish. I don't know how to do things differently yet to give myself more breathing space. That's something I still yet have to learn.

 

 

I am amazed by how much I have come to realization lately after being more conscious of what have happened with me in the past, and instead of just keep on going, I have found myself actually been on a survival mode. My being strong, being highly efficient, being forgiving, being loyal and being caring are all strong characters from me, things I have heard of others saying about me. Yet, these all are often linked to my having to survive, having to move on, so I have trained myself for being so.

 

A lot of the things I have not told people about are things which I don't want people to feel I am making a big deal of them. Now after having revealed them more and more, people are telling me that they are matters that shouldn't be taken lightly.

 

I still have a lot of homework to do on myself. One of them is being passionate not only to others, but also to myself. I don't know how to get that done just yet, and I will find out more soon.

 

About myself.....

When I started blogging here, I focused a lot on Sami's development, especially relating to her reflux journey. Recently, I talked about our journey as a family on a more harmonized family life.

Now I would like to turn the spotlight onto myself for a short moment. A lot has happened in my life, and definitely in the past five years.

After Sami's birth, my life has gotten onto a faster roller coaster, and as a mother, you will continue to fight for your little one, so you do your best to remain strong. I have gone through a period of postnatal depression, which was definitely one of the darkest moments of my life. I was lucky to have my husband to lean onto.


Often families with attention demanding children whether it is medical or due to other reasons are struggling on their own with not as much support as needed. Understanding is hard to obtain, and that's not because people around them don't want to, but it is sometimes just hard for others to know what it really involves.

For instance, reflux children often have bottle and food aversion, and the feedback you get from people around you may not always be helpful, because they don't deal with your situation daily. They have no idea the intensity of this.

Sami's aversion is luckily not as bad as some of the refluxers that I've got to know, but still it's very tricky. We are told that she is now missing certain vitamins, calcium and iron. As a mother, I don't mind her being small and short, but I do want her to be healthy. I try all sort of food, menus, different cooking style to get her eating more. Sometimes my son will get jealous of his little sister for the amount and variety of food that she gets, and when she refuses to eat them, he then finally gets them. Sure enough, I try to make as much for both but that would be way too much, and I try to explain to my son why this is happening. He tries hard to understand.

Refluxers are also known to be poor sleepers. I don't know if this is why Sami doesn't sleep through the night. She is now 19 months, and answering whether she sleeps through that night is like playing Russian roulette. 9 times out of 10, I am the one getting up for her as my husband just can't hear her crying. I don't always run to see her, but I'm awake by her crying. I struggle to fall back to sleep at times or she wakes me up again after I have fallen back to sleep. But the 19 months of broken nights do impact my life.

In general, in the current society, women face an ever-increasing demand on playing the role of multi-tasking. We are expected to work while taking care of things around the house. We are more detailed-orientated, and therefore lots of things are taken care of by us.

I am one of those women. I work full-time, and have two children to take care of. My ex, my son's biological father, has left for China for his career, so Julian is with me the whole time which I don't mind or complain. However, it does take time for my husband and Julian to find their ways to build a step-father & son relationship. It's not easy for either of them. Often I deal with guilty feelings because of this too. I also try to facilitate between them, but sometimes I feel I am stuck between them.

Last year, I have been diagnosed for the first time that I have chronic migraine, which explained a few symptoms I have had in the past years. I am now on lifetime medication, and one of the side effects is gaining weight. So baby fat plus this doesn't make it easy on me, and this puts a heavy load on my self esteem. Comments made by others are harsh but at the same time I think they are true. I have gone fat!

With my illness, my experience in depression, abuse, the usual day-to-day push and rush, and "entirely-for-others" approach, I end up feel drained, hardened and disconnected from the inner me.

In the Chinese culture, we are taught not to think too much about ourselves but others. We give and give. If we don't, then we are selfish. We are told that every one has his/ her own challenges, and our own ones should not be seen as important. We should not be under the spotlights. But is this correct? Should we keep on going?

Once in a while I do get an hour or two for myself, and I go out walking in downtown, or getting shopping for myself and the family. I find myself feeling temporarily relieved, but they are just short-term bandage over the wound within the same cycle, and eventually the same drained feeling returns.

So how do I break this cycle? How can I let go and fix this before I run out of battery? Without an energized mother, how can my kids grow up?

So I have decided to go ahead, reach out for help. At first, I wonder if I'm exaggerating things. But the more I have dug into the issues, the more I have come to realization I want to have this sorted.

My picking up on running, to be out there alone in the cold air free up my mind.

My speaking with a few inspiring people helps my finding ways to deal with scars and move on.

So I would really like to urge any of those who are dealing with all that "pushing-through" action after action, day after day, to not only take care of others, but also themselves.

Yesterday after my blogs were posted, I have received some loving complimenting feedback and a few of them are mothers with reflux children. Some are inspired by the thought of writing. I'm happy because to be inspired is great, and to inspire is even more incredible!

Thoughts behind heading towards a harmonized family...(to be continued)

 

Ever since the summer vacation from my son ended this year, we have had times in the weekends that became unpleasant at home. We did our share of yelling and door slamming, which I am definitely not proud of.

Thus I have decided to make steps to make our lives better in a certain way. It is not to say I'm unhappy with my life, or ungrateful. I'm grateful to be the mother of my two children, and yes even having to deal with the reflux issues my daughter has experienced since birth, plus my son's pre-teen character.

I did say before to others that I have a second child because my hubby (from my 2nd marriage) wants a child. But deep inside, I know it' a gift. A gift to us all. Julian has learnt to become such a gentle brother, helping taking care of his little sister, having so much love towards her that I can't put them into words. Sami loves her big brother too. She would call for him whenever she hears him. I hope they will continuing loving each other and being there for each other.



Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Some people say I should not put a magnifying glass onto the problems, as I might be overreacting and giving more pressure onto it instead. They may be right, but I strongly believe that without proper handling, these won't go away by themselves. We can show our children that we make mistakes as we go along each day. We accept we are not perfect, and may fail. It is OK to fail, and you just get back up and learn from the lessons.

Many of us as parents have to break the cycle we personally grew up in, and we have to work on defining and refining our parenting philosophy and principles. What worked in the past doesn't mean it works now. What worked for one of the children does not mean it would work on another child of yours because every one is different. This is not easy, because it is not familiar to us.

One thing I have learned is not to be judgmental, meaning not expressing my judgement along with my agenda to everyone. It's human nature to judge everything and everyone at all times. There is no escape. It's an evolutionary mechanism buried deep in a part of the brain you have no control over. It's useful when it comes to survival and self protection. Therefore, I try not to be judgmental on others' parenting skills, but I do want to have similar parenting approach together with my husband, as we are partners on this parenthood thing.



Coming from the Chinese background, we have been taught to respect anyone older than us with no conditions attached. You just do! I notice now being an adult and being in the western world as a mom, this principle cannot always be applied. I struggle at times to find the right definition of respect to teach my son. These days children want to understand why before they can accept your ideas. That's OK, as that means they are doing more thinking than just being programmed.




Recently, I have tried my utmost (yes, more than just "my best") to be more gentle on the parenting front. Just this Saturday, after my son did his book presentation in front of us, I gave him immediately with positive feedback, followed by some improvement points. This is a skill I need to work hard on, because I grew up in the environment that I often received only negative feedback. As a child, I felt I never could make my parents proud of me, and therefore I pushed myself to be a perfectionist by achieving flying scores. I know maybe without that push, I might have achieved with what I've now today, but I do think it did have an impact on my self image.

In addition to this, I work on being a facilitator, to manage the communication skills between my son and my hubby. They are in a way similar, because they both can be blunt and explosive verbally. I try to jump into their conversation when necessary by providing suggestions on how they can rephrase their sentences without escalating a conversation while getting their points through.



In a way, it does take up a lot of energy from me, but it gives positive vibes back unlike being frustrated only if I were to join their explosive heavy discussion. Furthermore, I have taken the opportunity to get out with my son on a Sunday to have lunch together. We don't go out often as a family because of my daughter's nap time. I miss being out. Anyway, that did some good to us. Next to that, I had two hours to myself after my son went to take his Chinese class. I shopped for some running gear, and met up with my high school friend from Hong Kong who moved to Holland recently to chat. It was very pleasant.

I still had the guilty feeling when coming home, seeing a tired husband with a cranky toddler. I need to learn how to deal with this guilty feeling.

Luckily, I'm surrounded by a few people who can give me positive energy, and support me in their amazing ways that I could not have imagined. They insprire me and remind me things that I may not be able to see immediately. They hold my hand and say everything will be okay.



 

Sami, our little reflux fighter, 19 months old!!!

Time does go by faster with Sami growing a bit older, even though she is still not yet fully off the reflux medication that she is taking since 6 weeks old, Nexium. She is a fighter, someone with a strong character! And sometimes that explains why she complained so much when she was in so much pain with the reflux and infections bothering her. On the other hand, that's how she has managed to keep smiling whenever she gets to. Showing us how proud she is of her own achievement. She takes her time to show her milestones, but when she does, she lets us know she is ready for it. This is also why I am so proud of her!

 

 

Recently, I made a post on my Facebook telling others how grateful I am being a mom for Julian, and Sami, that I have learned to be more conscious about gentle peaceful parenting. It's a great learning process for and funnily enough, I am happy to be in it, though sometimes I struggle.

 

Then a mom who has a reflux child has asked me if that is because she is doing better, and that's why I feel better.

Maybe that I've more sleep, so more patience.

 

Actually that's not really the reason. Sami is still small to her age, size wise. We struggle with feeding at times, and her food aversion from reflux poor days gets complicated when toddler hits her (or us!). She tells us clearly what she won't allow to be presented in front of her as being food. We have followed diary free diet for over 6 months now. We don't know if it really has helped, and she is getting smarter to know we are trying to give her non-diary substitute, such as rice milk, so she has started to refuse those too. From the latest report from the diet specialist, she scores low on certain vitamins, calcium and iron. When telling some people, they would suggest to force her eating them, or they just make comments about my not having tried hard enough. Sometimes the amount of food I make can actually feed a few families, and the amount of food that ends up on the floor is so much that Sami should donate to the 3rd world countries.

 

And about sleep.... I still get up often at night for her. Sometimes I don't get up, but her crying does wake me up. At times I am too tired to get out. At times looking at the web-cam from my smart phone (thanks to the technology available these days!!!), I know she may be just crying over a dream. I am finding it harder to get out of bed in the morning simply because my body is just too tired and worn out after a long period of missing my bed.

 

 

 

So where do I get patience from? Well, no where... it's something I have to learn and earn. It's something that I must recharge myself. I have realized that I've waited long enough not to do anything about it but to complain over it. So after having spoken with a few inspiring people, I realized that there are other ways to handle this.

 

They have inspired me how I could look at things differently.

They have encouraged me to seek for help and support.

They have lent me a listening ear.

 

 

 

Surely, all these smiles I get back give me courage to keep moving in our busy hectic daily lives.

 

 

Recent visit at the pediatrician had brought us worries, as she was wondering if she had immunodeficiency. So poor girl, I had to have Sami's legs tightly held between my legs, her right arm under my armpit, and both hands holding her left arm. There were two nurses helping to hold her down and get blood out of her. Because of her small blood veins, we had to wait long for each drop of blood to fill up that tube for an extensive blood test. I felt so sorry for her, but I held my tears back, kept on talking to her to let her know that soon it would be over.

 

Luckily, the results came back alright, but the question remains why she is as often sick as she is. No idea. The pediatrician still wants to go ahead with giving her 6 weeks of antibiotics to see how her body would react to it. I just have strong doubts on it, so eventually we decided not to go ahead with this.

 

I am writing this not to ask for people's attention on us, but hope to help you inspiring others on how hard sometimes it is for families having an attention demanding child. Give these families some support, even if that is as little as just a hello. Don't be judgmental on their choices, because they are making their choices the best way they can.

 

And for those families who are still in this game, fighting for good health for your little ones. You have no idea how great your hearts are, and I hope soon one day you all can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't underestimate how much love you have in your hearts!

 

I still want to thank those who have been giving me support in this, even if they are just small messages left on Facebook in encouraging us. Thank you!

More steps taken to a more harmonized family (to be continued)

Ever since I have became more open about this to a couple people who have been giving me a lot of inspirations and courage, I have been more conscious of what is going on within myself as well as my family.

Over the years, I have been told by some people I care and love that I am a selfish person. I often ask myself the question why they see me like that. I try to then feed them with what they ask from me so that they won't call me as such. I have always believed in putting a mirror in front of myself, and see what others see. And I do think in general, I like to keep pleasing everyone.

Now stepping out of myself, and looking at how I then function as a mother of two children, and wife of my husband. Maybe I am putting a lot of pressure on them by wanting a perfect family picture. Maybe I am trying to accomplish what I want to (over)-compensate what I have missed out in my childhood and adulthood.

 

After having talked to a friend who is a professional counsellor whom I'm very grateful for having met her, I start to realize that the scars that I have put bandages on over the years myself are not just visibly there, but also have impact on whom I am now. I didn't realize the need to heal those scar tissues is that important to me and to my family. I have always stayed strong, wiped my tears and moved on. I didn't want others to think I'm just feeling all sorry for myself or asking for unnecessary attention. This friend told me that ever since she has met me, she noticed that there are lots of underlying issues, like an onion that needs to be peeled. She wondered why I worried so much about my own parenting skills, when she thought I was doing good. She said it is normal that I don't want to make a big deal out of my own matters, but getting closure and not letting these situations take me back affecting my life today is just as important.


So after a few upcoming busy time, I will start to look for the right help to sort myself out. I know putting this out on Internet means coming forward, and people who know me may read this. It's not easy to admit my having weak spots, but I would like those who may be struggling at home in their own corners to do the same. And for spouse and partners, including my hubby, I would like to ask for your support in this. Without your support, we cannot make this. And when I say support, it is not just giving an extra kiss here and there, but it's about accepting who we are, and forgiving us when we snap just because things are becoming too much.

Steps taken to be back on track...(to be continued)

After my post on trying to find harmony in the family, and sharing it out in public, I was acknowledged by others, valuing my courage to expose my vulnerability. They acknowledged the fact that parenting isn't easy, and that it is OK to share and to learn together. There is no perfect family, but it's how you feel that makes it perfect. I'm happy to see those positive thoughts instead of some competitive comments made at times by friends, or family.

I have been feeling overwhelmed simply by a lot of things that have happened in the past and presence. I don't want my past to haunt me, as I believe we live in the presence, and we should not let our past to influence us too much.

And yes, I don't dare to ask for "me" time, as I feel it would be a selfish thing to ask for. This could be because of my cultural background, and what happened in my first marriage. I often was told being a selfish person though others have told me that I have never been.

Luckily, my husband supports me. Yesterday I texted him to tell him that once Sami has gone to bed, I would like to go out for a run to start exercising again. And we did it! I felt GOOD and luckily it was not raining, so I had a good day to start running, even though it was dark out there.



Sami has not been a great sleeper since birth, and we don't know why apart from thinking it is because of her health. Maybe out of love and protection, my husband doesn't like the idea of getting a babysitter to come into our house to watch the kids. I miss really having date nights or a quiet dinner without kids in a bit more fancy restaurant than a cafe. I miss having girls nights out too. Yet, this is what I've traded in for when I became a mother for the second time.



Yesterday, Julian came home and when I reminded him that he had to study for his history test for today, he was anything but pleased. So I asked him if he wanted to get good grades for it and why he doesn't like studying it. He said it was stupid and useless anyway in the future. I acknowledged his feelings, told him that I also felt the same way and hated it as a child. However, I learned then the older I become, the more useful history is, because it became common sense. And without history, there is no presence. We are making the history each day in fact. After that, he took 15 minutes and managed to finish studying it properly.

After that, I had a short talk with him during dinner. I told him that I love him loads and will always remain loving him. I asked him if he loves me, and he said yes. Then I told him that it upsets me a lot when we end up yelling at each other. I asked him to put his thinking pet on, and if he can come up with ways to stop us yelling at each other. He came up with the idea to make a board sign that says "STOP". Whenever one is about to yell, the other would then use that sign to remind the agreement made. I told him I was proud that he came up with this, and that he could make this on Wednesday when he has the afternoon off from school.

Another trigger I think of that I listed the other day, is his not being prepared for his football training or competition. So I told him that I feel sad to see him being frustrated whenever he needs to look for things at the last minute which gives everyone extra stress. I asked him if he could come up with some suggestions to change that. He thought for a second and told me that maybe he could use a box to put all those things in there. And if they are in the laundry, he would put a note in it to remind himself that. I told him that he can give that a try and see if that works well for him.

After these conversations, I let him to watch a nice movie which I think is also educational for him. He loved it and was thankful for being allowed to watch a movie. I at the same time had time to take care of his little sister without yelling back and forth of what he would need to do.

So all in all, I am glad I've opened up, and let people see what I'm going through. Often I catch myself being so occupied with daily stress that I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. And maybe it just takes some small adjustment in the way we communicate with our kids, then some changes will take place. I am not expecting a miracle to happen overnight, but I am happy to make a start.

I am a strong believer in peaceful parenting, rather than the traditional way that I was brought up in. My mom used to physically punish me, and that was something normal at the time, so please don't get me wrong, I'm not judging my mom on this. Yet, I do think by overpowering a child would not help them understand what message we are trying to pass to them, and what lesson they should be learning. Yes, in the adult world, there is real punishment in which for some people it works and for others it does not. But let's give our children the room to develop in a positive peaceful way.



To be continued.....